Transgender Day of Visibility is March 31st. To celebrate this day we’re going to hear from Chuefeng Yang, a local transgender queer Asian American musician. We’ll also get to hear an exclusive sneak peek of her song “Me Nyuam HMoob” coming out on April 18th!
Guest: Chuefeng Yang
Yoko: Hello everyone, welcome back to New Narratives: dispatches from Minnesota that highlight the stories of Asian America. My name is Yoko Vue and I’m the storyteller intern for Asian American Organizing Project. It’s the last day of March which means it’s Transgender Day of Visibility. For this episode, we’re going to hear from Chuefeng Yang about her new song, what this day means to her and some of her experiences being transgender. Listen until the end because we’ll be sharing an exclusive sneak peek of her song!
[MUSIC]
Chuefeng Yang 00:23: So hi everyone listening and tuning in. I’m Chuefeng, I use she her hers pronouns. I’m a queer, transgender, Asian (specifically Hmong), singer, songwriter, based here in Minnesota in the Twin Cities. And I’m super excited to be here today to talk about like, what it means to be transgender and my new music and all this like awesome stuff.
Yoko: Awesome. How did you get started with music?
Chuefeng: So I actually started singing when I was eight. And it was like a coping mechanism for like trauma. And it’s really weird because I grew up in a household that was divorced. And so I grew up with my dad, and my dad doesn’t like loud music. Like he thinks music is fine but like, if it’s too loud or if you’re being too loud, he doesn’t like it. So I would grow up singing around the house. And I remember he’d always be like, like, they say it in Hmong but he’d be like, “txhob tawg tawg qa,” right? Which just means, “You’re so loud. Why are you so loud?” But yeah, so I started singing when I was eight, and like, they just never stopped. And fast forward. Now I’m 22 and I’m putting out music. I still sing. And I think my dad has finally gotten used to it, just me being loud all the time.
Yoko: Nice. Yeah, I totally get it. So, I want to know, how does being trans, being queer, being Hmong play into music? And how does that show up?
Chuefeng: Yeah, it shows up in like, all aspects of my music. As an artist, I make it my goal to only sing and write songs that I deeply feel but that are also relatable. So the way I write my songs is, I’ll start on like one very specific experience and then I’ll kind of like zoom out a little bit so that other people can feel that right. Other people can share that experience. So whether it’s like being queer, being Hmong, being trans, you know, mental health, or just not knowing where you’re going in life, like I’ve written songs about all those things. I don’t know, it’s so weird to explain. But it’s always a part of my music because I treat my songs as like pieces of myself that I’m giving to the world. And, yeah, it’s I mean, it’s scary every time because you’re like, wait, I’m giving away a piece of myself to the world. Like, what if they hate that piece of me? But so far, like, it’s been amazing, people have been so supportive. So I’m so blessed and so lucky.
Yoko: No, that’s wonderful. Yeah, any time you kind of put yourself out there, it can be really scary because you don’t know how to react. And so I definitely see that you do get a lot of support and I love seeing you grow and show yourself on Tiktok. Yeah, I love watching your Tiktok, like fun and entertaining.
Chuefeng: Thank you. Thank you.
Yoko: So you have a new song that’s coming out soon. Can you tell us what it’s about?
Chuefeng: Well folks you’ll hear first on this podcast. I’ll probably end up saying it on a bunch of other interviews too. But the song is called “Me Nyuam HMoob.” And Hmong is spelled capital H capital M-o-o-b, just to like highlight and respect and uplift that there’s two dialects in the United States. And I want to start there because a lot of times we say Hmong and the default Hmong dawb but Hmong leeg is real, and people still speak it. And you know that should be honored and should be respected. So I want to start there. And the song I actually wrote it because I came out to my family as transgender less than a year ago. I remember like– so when I was 14, and I didn’t know that I was transgender, I came out as gay. And it like did not go well at all like there was a big fight in my family. And I remember, all these elders telling me, “You can’t be gay. Like you’re Hmong. You can’t be gay. Being gay is for white people,” or them telling me like “You have to be me nyuam hmoob mloog lus. You have to be a good kid, you have to be a kid that listens to your parents and listens to your elders.” Like all these really cliche home phrases that our parents and elders say to us to guilt trip us.
And I remember, like, when I came out to my parents I was much older, right? I was 22, when I came out as transgender and I did it over the phone, just because the pandemic and I was away for college. And surprisingly my dad was kind of just, like, not fully supportive, but he wasn’t also against it. He was kind of like, “Koj loj os.” You know, you’re older now. And like, your life is yours to live and I might not understand but I’m still your father. Which is such a rare experience. I know, there are so many queer and trans Asian kids who come out and then they get all these bad endings, and I get a really good one. So I’m super, super grateful. And I ended up putting all of these complex emotions of “Oh my gosh, I have my dad’s blessing.” And you know in the Hmong community having a parent’s blessing is huge, right? Like being Asian and having your parents be like, “I give you my blessing,” that’s huge.
So I took all these complex emotions of you know, like, I finally feel like I can honor myself and my culture. I can honor myself and my people and my ancestors and the past that we come with, right? And it can all exist within me. And putting that into a song. And then when I was writing the song, I kept thinking about all the times people have told me and have shamed me, in Hmong to be like “You can’t do this. You can’t do that because you’re Hmong. You have to be a good kid and all that stuff.” And I turned all these Hmong phrases into the chorus. And then my last line of the chorus is “Nco ntsoov hais tias koj yeej yog me nyuam hmoob.” For people who are listening and you don’t speak Hmong, it translates to remember you are a Hmong child. And growing up that was something that my dad instilled in me and my siblings. Because he was– I remember him always telling us– yes we are Hmong-mika. Because me and my siblings were born in the States. But he was like, even in that phrase, “Hmong-mika” Hmong comes before American. So you are a Hmong kid first before you’re American. And that means wherever you go, you take your people, you take your culture, you take your history with you.
So yeah, and then it just all came into a song. And I’m sure people are like, wow, you make it sound so easy. It actually took forever. I think the songs process like songwriting took about two months to really pick out the lines that I really wanted to use and make sure that I was telling the story. Telling the story that I can be proud of and telling the story that is real to my experience. And then I made the music and I’m a terrible producer. I don’t claim being a producer, I dabble but that’s about it. And that was even harder. This took like six months because I wanted traditional Hmong instrument.
Yoko: Oh, that’s so cool. I love that.
Chuefeng: Yeah, so I have like ib lub nruas but not a nruas for funeral homes. I’d never do that. That’s creepy. But like just a standard Hmong drum. And then I put ib lub xim xaus, which is again if you don’t speak Hmong it’s like a stringed instrument. But yeah finding the English names for these instruments was so hard or like finding sounds that were close enough was so hard, but I found them. And then I made the song and it was officially done in December of 2021.
Yoko: Wow. I love that. That process must have been so long.
Chuefeng: Oh, yeah. But it was so worth it.
Yoko: What’s a moment that you think about throughout this whole process of making that song, putting it together, doing the music video, what’s a happy moment that comes to mind?
Chuefeng: Honestly, it would be the day we did a music video. So I know by the time this podcast comes out, the music video will not be out yet. But there’s– I filmed behind the scenes stuff, not just me, but me and the people I was with that day, we filmed behind the scenes stuff. And it was a 12 hour filming day. Which was so hard because I was on my feet all day and doing costume changes. But I was with people who, you know, thankfully our family and are very supportive of me. And they’re very supportive of my artistic vision. And so just having people who knew what I wanted and then knew what I needed, right? It was just so amazing. And I remember like– I think even in the behind-the-scenes clip at the end of the day I was like, “I’m tired. Like I’m tired. My voice is tired. Yeah, my feet hurt. I’m ready to go to sleep.” But it was so good. And even now, I’m smiling so hard right now, because that day was like, it was one of those moments in life where you’re like, “This is a life, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.” And yeah, it just felt so good. It felt so good.
Yoko: I love that feeling. I cannot wait to see it when it comes out. And so when does the song come out?
Chuefeng: So the song “Me Nyuam HMoob” comes out April 18 and it comes out on my birthday which is very intentional. Because I was kind of it’s like a rebirth. Like, I’m being born into my transgenderness. And the people that I love the most are– they know about it now. Right? Like, it’s not a secret anymore. It’s like I can be open about it. And yeah, and hopefully the music video is out by then. I say hopefully because I want to make sure it’s really good. Yeah, for people who are gonna watch it. So I’m like just really nitpicky about what font I want to use, what effect I want to use. So yeah, I’m very– I want to make it the best that it can be. You know, while still fully realizing like, I don’t have money. So yeah, I’m doing the best I can do.
Yoko: Do with what you got. And so this podcast episode will be coming out on Transgender Day of Visibility, and so kind of want to talk about, what that means to you and how do you celebrate that day?
Chuefeng: I’ll be honest, I think this is like the first time I’m going to be publicly celebrating Transgender Day of Visibility. So I have known within myself that I was transgender since I was 18. You know, and I always celebrated it in a small way. I would just journal or I would take myself on a date. And I think this time, it feels so like, it feels like a big girl moment. Like, oh my gosh, I’m in a podcast for Trans Day of Visibility, you know? Because it really does feel good to just be like, yes I am openly transgender and I openly celebrate this day because transgender people we exist 365 days a year, You know, 25/8 we are transgender. And having a day dedicated to us, even though it’s so small, at least having a day where people are like, “Hey, let’s listen to transgender folks,” feels good. And, you know, obviously it’s not enough. It’s like– I’m working with what I had. So it’s the bare minimum. So I’ll just smile and take it.
Yoko: Yeah, there’s definitely more that needs to be challenged and needs to happen. So to end off the episode, how can people find you and your work?
Chuefeng: Yeah, so I am on social media. My handles all of them are at Chuefengy because my last name is Yang. So it’s just C-H-U-E-F-E-N-G-Y on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook page, Tiktok. But yeah, and Tik Tok is where I post the most, it’s fun for me. And yeah then all my music literally just type in Chuefeng, it’ll show up. I think that’s one of the beautiful things about me keeping my Hmong names– like it’s good, and it’s scary that I’m easy to find.
Yoko: Yes, totally. I will also be linking your socials as well to this podcast. So that way people can find you. Thank you so much for taking your time to chat with me. I can’t wait for folks to hear your song, to hear this episode, to just kind of celebrate all this greatness that folks are putting out, including you.
Chuefeng: Yes, yes. Thank you. I’m so excited. Thank you for having me.
[MUSIC]
Yoko: It was a pleasure speaking with Chuefeng and getting to listen to a snippet of her song. Make sure to check it out on April 18th and support her work! This episode is written, edited, and produced by your host Yoko Vue, Storyteller Intern at Asian American Organizing Project. More information about AAOP can be found at our website aaopmn.org. Thank you for listening and see you next time!