Is my queer allyship good enough?

The 2020 Gender Justice Research Cohort Queer Allyship team interviewed Asian-identifying community members, both queer and not, to better understand how queer allies can learn and be more as a queer ally.

The research team includes: Haruka Yukioka, Selena Vue, and Siena Iwasaki Milbauer

Download the full PDF Report here.

Image Description:

The text “Is your queer allyship good enough?” typed into a search bar with a magnifying glass on the right. The AAOP logo, which reads “Asian American Organizing Project” in blue and white, is in the lower right corner. The background is a light pink color with dark pink triangle detailing in the upper right corner. 

1. Is your allyship performative? Definition: allyship that centers yourself rather than marginalized communities. Often, there are potential social or financial rewards that the “ally” can receive for their support. Do you share all of your allyship actions on your social media? Do you center your identity as an ally or your feelings when speaking about LGBTQ+ topics? Do you regularly interact with LGBTQ+ people in non-activist/allyship settings?

2. What you can do about it. Why it hurts: performative allies only support the LGBTQ+ community when it benefits them, and fail to do the difficult work that is necessary to enact real change. This false allyship only hurts us and our fight for justice. Show up for queer and trans people even when you will not receive any direct benefits or rewards. Listen to LGBTQ+ people and don’t talk over us. We’re the experts on our own lives, and can tell our stories. Examine your intentions before posting. Why is it important for other to see? Who is being centered?

3. Do you rely on queer folks to teach you? Being an ally to a community that you’re not familiar with can mean doing research and asking questions. How are you gathering the information you need to be a strong ally? When you have a question about LGBTQ+ issues, do you primarily rely on queer folks to provide an answer? Do you only talk about LGBTQ+ issues when you’re around queer people? If you do need to ask a queer person a question about LGBTQ+ issues, do you offer compensation?

4. What you can do about it. Why it hurts: queer and trans people should not be treated like dictionaries. Having these conversations often means vulnerability and emotional labor, and doing so constantly is exhausting and adds another layer of difficulty. Do your own research. Allies take the burden off of LGBTQ+ people, and constant education is a burden. Before asking your question, run through this checklist: Have you exhausted all other options before asking? How might the person you’re asking feel? If this is a question about someone’s body, do you absolutely need to know the answer? What compensation can you offer this person for their labor?

5. Is your allyship limited to tolerance? Tolerance: a permissive mindset, “I allow/put up with this” Acceptance: an inclusive mindset, “I approve of this” Celebration: a welcoming mindset, “I honor this” Allyship is a journey through these stages. Do you only use someone’s correct pronouns when you’re in front of them? Do you become uncomfortable when someone brings up LGBTQ+ topics or acceptance? Would you be upset or distressed if someone close to you came out as queer or trans?

6. What you can do about it. Why it hurts: LGBTQ+ people deserve to have their identities accepted and celebrated, rather than simply tolerated. It is really difficult to cope with the feeling that your identy is a burden that others must put up with. Start by following LGBTQ+ content creators and listening to them. Active engagement can lead to acceptance. Understand that sexuality and gender, much like race, are important and integral parts of people’s lives. When you feel uncomfortable around LGBTQ+ topics, acknowledge that. Ask yourself why you feel this way. 

7. Do you fetishize queer people? Definition: the act of reducing marginalized people to a single aspect of their identity. While it’s often sexual, fetishization can affect all types of interpersonal relationships. Have you ever wanted to have a “gay best friend?” Do you see LGBTQ+ people as their sexuality or gender first, and their personhood second? Do you want queer friends just so you can go to gay bars or pride? 

8. What you can do about it. Why it hurts: While it’s hard to have your identity minimized, it’s also hard when our identity is all we are. When our sexuality or gender is obsessed over, you’re not interacting with us as people — just as objects of your fixation. Examine your stereotypes of queer and trans people. Where do they come from? How are they reinforced? Seek out media created by LGBTQ+ people to diversify your view and information sources. Engage with LGBTQ+ content creators and identify all the qualities they have beyond queerness or transness.